TWIST: This Week in Sports Talk November 19, 2017

You don’t love professional sports, but your livelihood and/or personal happiness depends upon your being able to converse intelligently about it. It’s a common dilemma with a simple solution: you need to learn a new language. You need to learn how to talk sports. And we’re here to help! The TWIST is our weekly Dandelion Chandelier guide to what’s happened on the field, on the court and on the ice. Every weekend you’ll find the three (and only three) things you need to know this coming week to speak cogently about professional sports with the boss, the gang at the office, your barber, your barista, your secret crush, or your in-laws. Do the TWIST every week and we promise you’ll know how to talk about sports like a champion.

This week’s edition of TWIST: This Week in Sports Talk begins with a celebration of Serena Williams’ marriage to Reddit C0-Founder Alexis Ohanian. The theme for the New Orleans wedding was Beauty and the Beast, and Anna Wintour, Beyonce and Jay Z were among the guests. The winner of 23 Grand Slam singles titles and Greatest of All Time (that’s G.O.A.T. for you sports experts) and her new hubby are currently honeymooning in a secret location.

Sadly, chattering about the wedding (who made the dress, who else was there, that video of Venus twerking at the reception) will not cut it when it’s seriously time to talk sports. So for Those Who Do Not Follow Professional Sports, here’s what you need to know this week (and not a single thing more). 3 for the week of November 19, 2017:

1. Baseball’s regular season awards are in. Must know: Major League Baseball and the Baseball Writers Association of America announced that Houston Astros second baseman Jose Altuve won the 2017 American League Most Valuable Player award. Altuve and the Astros clinched the first World Series title in franchise history earlier this month. Garnering 27 of a possible 30 first-place votes, Altuve decisively won the MVP award over rookie slugger Aaron Judge, to the dismay of Yankee fans the world over (and yes, Red Sox fans, we can hear you snickering). Miami Marlins slugger Giancarlo Stanton won the National League trophy in a very close race. Both are first-time winners. Nice to know: Judge did unanimously win the AL Rookie of the Year award. All rise! Cody Bellinger was unanimously voted NL Rookie of the Year. Extra credit: The two Cy Young awards for pitching went to Corey Kluber of the Cleveland Indians and Max Scherzer of the Washington Nationals.

2. The NBA’s Boston Celtics are on a tear. Must know: Despite losing Gordon Hayward to season ending injury in the first game of the season, the Boston Celtics are on a 14-game winning streak. They lead the Eastern Division and are 14-2 for the season, having beaten the defending champion 11-4 Golden State Warriors on Thursday night. Kyrie Irving was out for two games after being elbowed in the face by his own teammate. But he’s back on the court (the poor dude had to wear a clear plastic contraption on his head for his first game back, but he still got the job done). Nice to know: Some underdogs continue to exceed expectations: the Detroit Pistons are 10-4 and sit atop the Central Division. The Minnesota Timberwolves are 9-5. Extra credit: Meanwhile, the legendary Cleveland Cavaliers continue to dismay, and are currently 8-7. Fans of King James continue to say that there’s nothing to worry about. Although they’re grinning a bit nervously lately when they say that.

3. NFL owners coalesce against Jerry Jones. Must know: Dallas Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones is threatening to sue the NFL if current Commissioner Roger Goodell’s contract is renewed without being “restructured.” There were leaks to the press this week about the size of Goodell’s proposed contract, and the perks included (like health insurance for the Commissioner and his family members for life). Nice to know: This dispute is partially the result of Jones’ dissatisfaction with the way league management has handled the controversy around Colin Kaepernick and other players who have chosen to “take a knee” during the playing of the National Anthem. It’s also due in part to the 6-game suspension delivered to Jones’ star player Ezekiel “Zeke” Elliott for a domestic violence accusation. This week ESPN reported that when Jones got word of the suspension earlier this fall, over the phone he told Goodell and the league’s chief lawyer that “I’m gonna come after you with everything I have.” Jones then reportedly brought up how the New England Patriots fought Tom Brady’s four-game suspension in connection with a football-deflating scandal. Jones told Goodell: “If you think Bob Kraft came after you hard, Bob Kraft is a p—y compared to what I’m going to do.” Wow. Do you kiss your grandkids with that mouth? Extra credit: Zeke Elliott has dropped his appeal of the 6-game suspension, and has already sat out his first game (which the Cowboys lost). The owners’ group negotiating the Commissioner’s contract extension meets again on December 13^th. Watch this space for further details. And please kids, watch the language.

For those looking for additional street cred, here’s some additional news and opinion from the world of sports:

• In the NFL, the Pittsburg Steelers and the New England Patriots look like the teams to beat in the AFC (subject to the Pats beating the Raiders this weekend, see below). The Philadelphia Eagles have total domination of the NFC.
• UCLA freshman basketball player LiAngelo Ball (brother of 2^nd-round draft pick Lonzo Ball of the LA Lakers) is back in LA with his two Bruins teammates after having been detained for several days in the southern Chinese city of Hangzhou. The three confessed to shoplifting sunglasses at a Louis Vuitton store.
• At the ATP Finals in London, Roger Federer is cruising along – Rafael Nadal is out with an injury.
• Mixed-martial arts fighter Rhonda Roussey lost for the first time ever two years ago, and has really never reemerged in public view. Fans are wondering if they’ll see her in the ring again.
• Race-car driver Danica Patrick announced today that she will retire from the sport next year after competing in the Daytona 500 and the Indianapolis 500.

For the remainder of the college football and NFL seasons, we’ll highlight the key weekend games you need to know about, and if we go to press before they’re over, it will be up to you to find out the final scores before hitting the office on Monday morning. Remember: you always need to know how “your” team did. Here are the key match-ups that the sports-minded will want to discuss this week:

College Football Games: teams are fighting for position in the College Football Playoff rankings and conference championships. Last weekend saw Auburn upset Georgia, and Miami upset Notre Dame, setting the stage for high-stakes match-ups this weekend:

• #24 Michigan at #5 Wisconsin – this is the only game between ranked opponents, and it’s a very important one for undefeated Wisconsin. The experts say that if the Badgers can win, it would carry real cache with the selection committee – because it’s Michigan. If the Wolverines win, they could still take the Big 10 title.
• Kentucky at # 7 Georgia – the Bulldogs fell six spots after losing to Auburn last weekend, but if they win this one, they could still make the playoffs. But Kentucky enters the game with a 7-3 record, so it won’t be easy.
• Virginia at #3 Miami – the Hurricanes will try to maintain their unbeaten record for the season, while the Cavaliers could be the spoilers for Miami’s season.
• UCLA at # 11 USC – this one’s a classic rivalry game; big fun for the alumni, and if USC wins, the team might still have a shot at the playoffs. More importantly for NFL fans, it’s a match- up of this year’s potential #1 & #2 draft picks: quarterbacks Josh Rosen and Sam Darnold.

NFL Games:

• Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys – Cowboys’ QB Dak Prescott was not his usual self during last week’s loss to the Falcons – he relies heavily on offensive tackle Tyron Smith, who was out with an injury. Smith may not be playing this weekend, either (he was at practice on Friday but didn’t participate in any drills).
• Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks – both teams are currently in contention for a wild-card berth in the NFC West. The Falcons, led by QB Matt Ryan, achieved a resounding win over the Cowboys last weekend; if they win again, they could built real momentum leading into the playoffs. The Seahawks are favored to win, but they’re facing their first game without cornerback Richard Sherman and will have to rely heavily on their QB Russell Wilson.
• LA Rams at Minnesota Vikings – as you recall from last week’s TWIST, the Rams have been on a roll this season in an incredible turnaround from last year. The experts say that this should be an exciting contest between two evenly-matched teams: LA and Minnesota are currently ranked seventh- and eighth-best in the NFL, respectively.
• New England Patriots at Oakland Raiders – this is the second regular-season NFL game played in Mexico in the past two seasons, and the third in history. The game sold out in two hours. Mexico’s rabid NFL fandom has long been directed toward the Dallas Cowboys and the Pittsburgh Steelers, but the Patriots have been a rising force, with a larger fan base than the “home” team for Sunday’s game, the Raiders. The Pats have the league’s best offense, and the Raiders have the second-worst defense. Expect roars of ¡Vamos Patriotas!

Black Friday is nearly here, so don’t forget to check out our roundup of perfect holiday gifts for sports fans. The Minnesota Vikings meet up with the Lions in Detroit on Thanksgiving Day to see who can claim supremacy in the NFC North. Half of our family is rooting for one, and half for the other. Could be a sticky situation around the dinner table – hopefully pumpkin pie will cure any bruised feelings. That’s it. You’re good to go. Happy Thanksgiving. See you next week.

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